11th Nov - Lost City Day 5

So we were up at dawn as usual to start the long walk back. Had a good 6 or 7 hour trek to do today back the way we came. Lovely walk as ever. I spent the first 2 hours teaching one of the guides to count from 1 to 10 in English. He got it eventually!

Stopped after a couple of hours to get a quick bite and time for a last photo with the guide and some entertainment in the form of top quality hen punishment:


Last shot with the guide - at least he can count to 10 now


With all the craic, we stayed a bit too long and over the next 3 to 4 hours we had to really push it to get back to Mamey for lunch.

Met some Colombian army lads on the way who were stationed in the area. I also contested a battle of wits aka a battle of catch with this little legend and then we touched on.



Finally reached Mamey but lunch took forever and we didn't set off for Santa Marta for ages. Here's us on the bus on the way back:



We did get back just after 6. Aditya, Patti, Sumit and Maurice said that they were all thinking of going straight to San Gil on a bus just before 8, so I said I'd join them! Supposed to be loads of adventure stuff to do in San Gil. Plus it is on the way to Bogota where I'm flying out of in less than ten days so think that getting that bus makes way more sense than heading west and away from Bogota. I reckoned I had time for another delicious steak in Felipe and i was right!

Top steak!



The Dutch genius behind the steak!



But I just made it on time for the bus! All good, next stop San Gil tomorrow morning!

10th Nov - Lost City Day 4

Tour at the Lost City (L-R) Crosbie, Aditya, Maurice, Soph, Patti, Me, Ilana, Sumit

Up for sunrise. Breakfast and then it was time for the final little bit. Well, final little bit was to climb the 1,000 steps up to the Lost City! There were about 1,000 cities in this area of which about 200 have been re-discovered to date. The one known as the Lost City was the biggest of these and the capital where the King lived and where the major ceremonies were held. I know this because I spent the first 4 hours of today translating! Didn't mind at all today though cos it was actually really interesting. There are many natives still living in the mountains around here who have never met non-natives and never will.

We climbed the steps anyway, and the Lost City really was superb. The native Kogui people built all their houses with natural plants and materials so none of the actual dwellings survive from hundreds of years ago. But the city looks amazing anyway. Plus beautiful views all around.

I'd been to Machu Picchu and while it was indeed magnificent, it was obviously very busy. Up to 3,000 people per day are admitted. What I loved about the Lost City was that there would be a total of 16 people visiting here today. Incredible!

Up the steps with the dog who came with us all week!

This looks like a simple rock. But it's not. It's a map of the trails of the native people in Northern Colombia. It dates back hundreds of years and it's incredible that they could have had such a map!

Sitting on the King's throne!

Our tour group having a chillax!

So we walked around it for about 90 mins and the guide explained the story of when the spanish came over a few yrs after Columbus had discovered America. Most of the first crew that landed got killed but they came back a couple of years later psyched up for killing. The natives were too clever around the mountains so the Spanish had to think of different ways to do the killing. Amazingly they used chemical warfare! They brought over loads of clothes from Europe which had yellow fever on them and traded with the locals. Locals had no ability to fight it so died in high numbers. Local chiefs then banned all trading with Europeans. So what could Spanish do now? Well they brought over anyone they could find in Spain who had yellow fever. Then they captured any locals they could get their hands on and threw them in makeshift prisons. Where the prison guards were the Spanish people with yellow fever! They kept them for a week or so and sent them back to their clans with infections! Genius!

Traditional hut

We sat in one of the huts (as the city is still used for formal occasions today, there are still existing huts) and the guide told us about them. The men had one hut and the women and children had another. When the men died, their hut was abandoned and it would collapse within a year or two. The women always had a husband, so someone else would step up to the plate to be her new husband. But the new husband would build his houses on a different bit of land. The Kogui people seemed to always have had the aim to breed and they become pregnant as much as possible until they can’t any more. That continues today.

Bizarrely, the Kogui are outside the law in Colombia. They could if they wanted murder any of the tour guides or indeed any of the visitors on the tours and the Government of Colombia will do nothing about it. The guides are obviously incredibly respectful as a result! Each month, the Kogui’s chiefs meet and discuss if anyone has broken their own laws. If they have, they are sentenced to time in the box. The box is set up outdoors. You’re put in there with no clothes, food, water, coca leaves (hallucinogenic which they’re chewing all the time). Murder would come with a penalty of 30 days in there and considering that the heat is always in the mid-30s and that there are always ants and other bugs around, lads would rarely survive that. So far, there have been no problems between the natives and the Colombians or the foreigners.

Soon enough, it was unfortunately time to go. On the way back to the top of the 1,000 steps, I was walking along with the guide when he suddenly stopped, whipped out his machete and attacked a snake which was on the path in front of us. The snake was young and small enough - a mature adult grows to 2.5 metres long. But would've killed a human within 24 hours if they couldn't get to a hospital so he was a dangerous enough little fella.

Here's the guide killing him! Topped off with a comedy "Siiiii" by me at the end!



So, now I said that i wanted to get a photo with him. Nice.

Passing the dead snake around so I can get a photo with it

I killed him! Honest! What a man!

Just after this photo was taken, he started hissing again! The little fukker was alive! Guide then killed him properly in the video below but fukk me, I could easily have been bitten! Got an awful shock!



Walked back to last night's camp, quick bite to eat, then we'd a long walk all the way back to night 2 camp. Got there just as darkness fell - long long day. Claimed our beds as usual but out here in the jungle, the sheets don't get washed much so we're sleeping on beds that haven't been changed for a while and have seen many tour groups passing through. There were rumours of a rat being around a couple of nights ago and this was confirmed when one of the lads found rat shit on a bed. Who knows how long that was there!
Anyway, that was so disgusting I actually had a shower - first all week! That's pretty common but shows how dirty the sheets are as everyone is walking all day in the 30 degree heat and not showering!

Had dinner and went to bed. All in all, a great day!

9th Nov - Lost City Day 3

Up before six and set off by 7 as we wanted to beat any potential rain by walking today's 5 hour hike in the morning. Beautiful hike. Crossed the river a couple of times but it only went to waist height max so was all good.



Tour helper with the Kiwi girls, Soph, Crosbie and Ilana 

Towards the end it did get quite slippy and difficult but mostly no problem. In fairness to Mami, she kept up very well, really don't know how she got through all of it.

We got to camp for 11.15am! Bit early! Accommodation looked nice again, and right next to a lovely waterfall! Aaaw!

To liven things up, i smacked my big toe off a rock and broke the nail. Nice one. Then went for a paddle in the river but with ultra-caution after yesterday's commotion! Back in the camp, the kiwi girls were reading about a real player called Tucker Max and we sat around talking shite for the afternoon trying to avoid the many mosquito bites!



My anti-mosquito defences. A good look.



I arranged with Mami and Natalia to look them up when I get to Bogota - great to have a local guide! Dinner and bed - big day tomorrow, finally get to see the Lost City!

8th Nov - Lost City Day 2

Up at 6 or so, breakfast, then it was time to head to the cocaine factory. Thankfully there was another group with us, so I didn't have to do all the translating and could actually sit and enjoy the show! Young lad there showed us the process - involved something like 9 different filtrations and burnings and passing through sieves etc etc. V v complicated! Eye-opening experience, the farmers really make zero from the whole thing, so many leaves needed for each ounce of coke. At the same time, they need the money and have no other source of income.

Dealer

We left by 8, pretty refreshed at this stage! Excellent morning walk then despite the usual 45 min rain shower where it absolutely dumped down!

A nice waterfall. And me

I don't tan great

This local Kogui family thought I was great. I think

Reached our place to stop for the night by around 1! So the afternoon was our own. Offered opportunity to go swimming, but they advised us it was a bit dangerous. I stayed well away from it as swimming and myself wouldn't be the best of friends. I ended up joining in a game of cards with the other group who were staying in the same cabin. Mighty craic and there was a mother and daughter pair from Bogota who were playing. Natalia insisted on good-naturedly shouting "MAMI!!!" whenever the mother made a mistake. Soon we were all calling her Mami! Dead sound pair.

Mami and Natalia

Me and Mami!

Mami's glasses were quite strong

The mighty craic was interrupted suddenly when the guide who was playing took off like lightning. Uh oh. Aditya and Maurice had gone swimming and now only Aditya had come back. Scary situation, Maurice had swum to a place that was dangerous and last thing Aditya saw was Maurice under the water being swept away! All the guides went searching in the river and after about ten mins he was found alive and well!

He was very lucky though. He was out of control, tried to grab onto a few rocks, but slipped off. With pretty much his last chance to grab a rock before he went down a pretty rocky and steep drop, he somehow held on and survived. He was v v lucky.

In this video, it doesn't look that steep a drop. But the water was travelling v quickly right here, Maurice was underwater, out of control and heading downstream headfirst so was quite disoriented. This drop was surely curtains:

This was just around the corner. Thankfully, Maurice held on just upstream

Kind of dampened the mood at the cards table too! Later on, we had this ridiculously large dinner. Then came my punishment.

As the only person on the tour with any Spanish, I'm expected to do all the translating. I don't mind usually - but tonight was rough. The guide wanted to give a history lesson and after about 25 mins of translating about the history of Colombia and what some druglord did in the late 60s, I was very rattled. The topic held no interest for me, I was tired and cranky, and couldn't understand half what I was supposed to be translating. Nightmare.

By sheer luck, another group was also staying at the camp and one of them took pity on me. Fierce nice girl from Madrid who lived in Dublin for about 5 yrs so had perfect English. She took over and mercifully it was all over soon!

Thank the Lord for this legend!

Bed. More walking tomorrow!

7th Nov - Lost City Day 1

Oh for fukk's sake. Will I ever learn! Woken out of my unconscious demented slumber by the bus driver who had come to pick me up. Just had some packing to finalise, then a quick shower and I was ready in about 15 mins. Still drunk so didn't feel too bad. Wasn't looking forward to the hangover kicking in though in a few hours time.

Drove down to the tour office and picked up the guide - who didn't have a word of English - and 2 Yanks, Aditya and Sumit, who were coming on the tour too. Nice lads, very chatty from the start - not ideal the way I was feeling but shur it was grand.

Drove to Santa Marta which was about 20 mins away. Met up with rest of the tour, 3 kiwi girls, Dutch lad and a Dutch girl so 8 of us in total.

Despite my suffering, I managed to sort out payment for the tour, buying a smoothie on the street, buying water purification tablets (made in Wicklow bizarrely) and special anti-mosquito repellent soap before we left. I'm some legend sometimes.

Had a 45km drive on proper roads, quick stop, then 12km uphill on the windiest bone-rattling road imaginable. Stopped at the village of Mamey for lunch and there was another tour there on their way back. Who was on it only Jeremy, Steve and Patrick (Aussies, ah yeeeeeeeah mate) who I met on my first day in La Paz and then 4 weeks later in Northern Peru! Quick photo, I tried to re-create the La Paz one but got the 2 lads in the middle mixed up!

Me, Steve, Patrick, Jeremy - La Paz - early Sept

Me, Jeremy - Mancora - early Oct

Me, Patrick, Steve, Jeremy - Mamey - early Nov

Great banter with them, they said it's a tough tour, but well worth it. Then they told me they'd been to Medellin. Turns out they were the Aussies drugged and robbed after pulling girls in that shite nightclub in Medellin - Babylon!

Tour started after lunch and we walked for about 4 hours. I got a photo with a lad with a top tache first.

We'd to wade through rivers up to thigh-deep, and stopped at this gorgeous spot for a swim. We could dive in off a massive rock but I wisely eschewed this option and slipped in to the area that was about 2 feet deep!

The guide's boyfriend came with us. They were dead on. Going out 14 years at this stage. He's 33 and she's 28. Wait a minute...

Anyway, the walk was tough enough in places. Sweat pouring off us as we climbed uphill for an hour and soaked to the skin in other places when the heavens opened. This mule didn't seem to mind though.



Got to know a few of the others. I liked everyone from the start. The kiwi girls were highly amusing. Great girls. Savage oul craic and definitely not princesses which was important on this tour. Then there was Maurice from Holland, who seemed a nice lad, Patti from Holland, also good fun.

The Yanks were a good laugh. Sumit had just qualified as an accountant so we'd outrageously interesting banter about that for the bones of an hour. Other than a visit to his relatives in India, this was his first time away. Aaaaw... bless. He really wanted to savour every experience. Comically so at times. "I really need to watch this, this is the real South American experience!!!!" No Sumit, it's just a dog going for a shite.

Got to a house just before sunset as light was fading, around 6.30. Met the next addition to our guide team, this guy was the original guide's brother. Very nice lad but again not a word of English so I'd to translate everything. This was getting tiring!

We were staying there for the night. Had dinner, and it was pretty much time for bed - which was a hammock. Sumit loving the real South American experience! There was another tour there heading back the way and they advised us to try and change to the 4 night tour for 3 nights as we didn't need that long to see it all. We discussed it, but stayed with the 5 night tour in the end.

Then a local lad came along and offered us the underground tour first thing in the morning. This was the trip to the cocaine factory. Charging us 35,000p (€12) but we negotiated down to 25,000p. That's happening tomorrow morning at 6.30. Hammock time!

Hammock time!

6th Nov - Taganga Day 1

Shattered but it's hard enough to sleep in here. So bloody hot and mossies everywhere. I'd originally intended heading off on my Lost City tour today but it took so f-ing long to get here, I'll just book for tomorrow. Had heard that Magic Tours were the crowd to go with so booked with them - leave v early tomorrow morning. I know absolutely nothing about the tour, just that it's supposed to be a great thing to do, I'm sure it'll be grand!

Watched Man United v Wolves, then Ireland v South Africa in the rugby in the morning - brilliant hearing Amhran na bhFiann in a random hostel in Colombia!




Had a poor lunch and then went for a stroll down to the beach. Loads of local urchins down on the beach having savage craic. They'd look for a massive wave coming in like a wall and all sprint and jump into it. Simple enough game - savage craic. Here's a video.



Then they were all doing gymnastics on the beach and back into the water.



There was one lad, about 12 and 4ft nothing. Ran into the water with the rest of them. Came back out with the biggest lump on his face that I'd say I've ever seen. Bit of blood and his left eye closed, poor lad was centre of attention for a while. Obviously loads of rocks in the water and at times lads get smacked in the face.

Went back towards the hostel eventually and passed the local soccer pitch. It was Saturday so there were a few games on. Excellent! I stayed for about an hour, very like a Gaelic Football match at home, everyone screaming unfair abuse at the ref, very much a community atmosphere. Pitch was shocking though, no grass at all and built on a hill, though the surroundings with green hills on 3 sides and the sea on the last were superb.

Utterly bizarrely, on this dirt pitch between 2 local Colombian teams, the goalkeeper for one of the sides was wearing an Ireland soccer jersey - Eircom plastered across his chest! Sadly, just like the lads who wear that jersey for real at the moment, he was puck useless, shur God love us.

Useless, God love him

I'd enough of it after about an hour and was strolling for road when I saw that the opposition manager was also wearing green. It couldn't be... it was you know! He was wearing an FAI/Ireland t-shirt. Surreal.

I tipped on anyway and went back to the hostel for dinner. Had steak in the afternoon so couldn't have it again, went for some Asian dish which was a couple of degrees past exceptional. The man was a genius! So now it was about 9, and I'd to head to bed as i was being picked up at 8.30 and we were going hiking up mountains for the next 5 days and I badly craved sleep. And I hadn't packed yet - very important to get that right as we had to carry everything on our backs for the whole length of the hike.

With that in mind, it would've been madness to join in a drinking card game with some Yanks, English and Canadians. Madness to horse back enough rum to tranquilise a wild boar, madness to decide that a club would be a super idea and utter madness to stumble home to bed on the verge of puking at 3am with the alarm imminent at 8 followed by the crucial drunken packing.

Madness

Madness!

5th Nov - Medellin to Tacanga

Up at 8. Oh good Lord, I was suffering. Flamin! Stumbled around, packed, found a taxi to get me to the airport. Turns out I'd to catch two flights today, one from here to Bogota and then Bogota up to Santa Marta. Aim is to get in around 2.30 then book the Lost City tour starting tomorrow.

Scammed my way into the lounge for some other airline's VIPs in the airport so managed to get some juice, water, yogurt on board. Then the flight was delayed for an hour. Stress as i might miss my connection. But got to Bogota on time but my flight there was delayed for an hour and a half. Ah crap. Hangover really kicking in now, felt really bad. Got on flight to Santa Marta and it was practically empty so I could relax. We were coming into land and pilot spoke quite quickly in Spanish but I caught "welcome to Barranquilla"... what the hell! We're supposed to be in Santa Marta! Apparently Santa Marta was temporarily closed as they'd had heavy rain... short runway... danger... yadda yadda yadda. So we got deposited on the extremities of the airport in Barranquilla. No shops, uncomfortable seats and no one had the first clue what was going on.

Room from hell

A plan emerged eventually that they'd wait an hour to see if Santa Marta was now open and fly up there. But I had apparently booked with ChavAir and these chavs refused to accept any of this, and surrounded the poor staff and started screaming abuse at them. This went on for an hour. Meanwhile I was feeling as bad as I have for months. Stomach in utter bits. This was the day from hell.

Here's the chavs on the rampage:


Eventually I managed to separate one of the air hostesses from the rabid pack and when I was polite to her, the poor thing started crying on my shoulder! Oh right.

Anyway, she told me that the flying to Santa Marta dream was over and we'd be catching a bus at 6.

Ended up being a long 3hr bus with all the chavs shouting and roaring and I trying not to puke with the hangover, got in at 9. So it took me 13 hrs to get there. The same as the bus from Medellin would've taken. Nightmare.

On that 3 hr bus, all the chavs had eventually fukked off to their ghettos and I was advised by the driver and his co-driver to stay on so they'd drop me somewhere better.
Plus point was that I was actually on a bus, negatives were that it was dark, had no idea where I was, found the Spanish of the driver impossible to understand and I'd no guidebook, phone numbers, Internet access so if the drivers tried to rob me, I was in trouble.

Shouldn't have worried, driver was dead on, dropped me off at a taxi rank and negotiated an excellent price to my hostel!
Landed in the hostel and they'd a dorm room thankfully. And a restaurant. Had steak. Turned out that a Dutch guy runs the restaurant and has by far the best food I've had in south america so far. I ate so so slowly to savour every single bite. Had horsed down a bottle of Malbec too before I even realised. Drunk again. Bed time - end of a horrific day.

4th Nov - Medellin Day 3

Shattered obviously after the craic last night but got up around 10 cos wanted to say goodbye to the Irish girls who were off to Salento, the place near Cali I really wanted to see! I was sorely tempted to go with them but couldn't justify backtracking six hours each way on myself so left them off. But it did give me the kick up the arse I needed to get my trip to the Lost City on track. Bus would take 13 hours to get up to the Caribbean coast and cost about €50, flight would be 4 hours and cost less than €100. No brainer, I looked up flights for the following morning and booked them! Excellent!

So this was my last night here in Medellin and although it's a bit of hassle, I decided to move hostels anyway. Only about a 15 minute walk and my backpack weighs less than 10kg so no bother to move. Bizarrely, in the middle of this lovely residential area, passed a police cordon cos someone was just shot dead. Ah well.

But it's usually such a lovely safe area!

Struggled at one stage to find the hostel and was stopped at a crossroads. Asked a lad walking past where it was, he struggled to answer so a lad on a motorbike waiting at a red light chipped in. Then a lad selling fruit across the road offered his opinion! Everyone's so helpful, they'll do anything for you!

Found the hostel anyway and it was bang in the middle of the Zona Rosa aka Craic Central! And the hostel itself was simply incredible. By far the best hostel I've been in so far in South America! Bit of a balls cos I'd like to stay here for a few nights but my flight's already booked for up north.

Went out to a local shop to get a snack and afterwards headed for a stroll around the Zona Rosa to see what it was like. It was great! Lovely bars, restaurants, clubs all around. And in the middle of it all, I came across possibly the tackiest restaurant in the world: Hooters. Hooters is a chain of American bars/restaurants where all the waitresses wear tacky tight orange shorts and tight tight t-shirts to emphasise their... assets. I'd eaten already and was going to  have dinner later. Then again, this is Colombia so the waitresses could be v pretty! Yerra I'll treat myself to dessert... I'm on holidays like...

It was like watching a catwalk show! And as per usual, they were Colombian so not alone were they beautiful, they were v v friendly.

Had a dessert, then a quick beer, overall a very enjoyable hour in there, then back to the hostel. Met the lads I was sharing a room with - they were stone mad for the cocaine. Mad for it. And told me stories about how they'd each gone on a coke-fest and "shagged these local birds in Bogota back in the dorm room... kept everyone in the dorm awake all night... ha ha ha"... Yeah that's hilarious lads. As our hostel closed at 2am, the plan for tonight was to go out to this club they'd heard about where it was €12 in and then it's free drink all night... and then "get some of the local muff back here (the dorm room) before 2 and ride them all night". It was like being in an episode of the Inbetweeners with a bunch of teenagers!

Went out for dinner on my own cos the other lads had eaten. Went to some fake American diner, and got wings for starter and a burger for main. Gobshite of a young fella brought the 2 of them out together. I was on my own like! I gave him a right good piece of my mind before tucking in. Ape.

Back to hostel and turned out everyone was heading to that club with the free drink because it was apparently full of women who can't get enough of backpackers. I'm always sceptical when I hear this nonsense. How many clubs have any of us been in where women outnumber men 2 to 1 and they do all the chasing? Not many I'll bet. I didn't mind though, I'd a few drinks with Anke and Mor and all the clubs round here in the Zona Rosa look great.

Turns out the club wasn't actually around here, it was 15 mins in a taxi away, the club finished serving free drink at 1.30, the vodka tasted like paint stripper, the club was 80% men (obviously!) and the girls there were mainly under 18 and very very pikey looking. Kryste. Plus, a story was doing the rounds about 2 Aussies who pulled girls in here the previous week, went home with them and got drugged and robbed of everything they owned. Kryste. Only option was to get demented to take the edge off. An option I selected with gusto.

Two positive things though, the sound French lads from Cali turned up unexpectedly and there were so few women there that my room mates failed in their bids to bring some local ladies back to our dorm.

Got to sleep for around 4, demented. Have to get up at 8 for taxi to airport. Kryste.